The day after Independence Day

Cried a lot of tears today. Which for me is always a good thing. I know I'm processing what's going on if I cry. I feel like I have to hide my tears from M and JY. But so far that's not hard to do. JY seems pissed off at me. Why I don't know? He's the one that brought this on. Too bad, so sad for him.

M, of course, has no clue. I know we need to tell her together. But I'm not sure how to explain it to a 2 year old. Then I feel like JY should explain it, since it's his fault. He's even worse than I am at explaining things to her.

Today he had the nerve to send me an email asking if we could do this amicably and not be a long drawn out battle. Dude I want to cut ties with you! I'm not trying to hang on to you! But if it takes awhile, so be it. I replied to his email, "It'll be what we make it." He also gave me a dollar amount he was willing to pay to support M and that he'd leave me everything except the things he paid for. My response to that is "I'll let my attorney handle the negotiations." Other events of the day include him withdrawing money from our joint bank account. He also blocked me from seeing some of his stuff on Facebook. So I did the same to him. But I'm not sure what that accomplishes. Next I have to work on bills. Canceling some and taking out of savings for others.

I can't bring myself to call my father, yet. I may wait until after I tell my sister. I asked her to call me when she gets back from her family vacation. I know she'll have my back. But it feels like failure to admit my father that my marriage is ending, even if I did nothing wrong. I get waves of bravery and think that I'll call Dad on my commute home tomorrow or during the work day. We'll see what happens.

I know it will get easier with time. Time can't get here fast enough.