The End is in Sight

I'm still not divorced, but hope to be soon.  We have the documents drawn up and sent to JY.  He finally got smart and retained an attorney.  Just waiting to find out what the "small changes" are that he wants to the decree.  I'm also hopeing to get it done quickly so JY will pay child support.  He hasn't contributed anything major.  So I've been paying daycare on my own, since July.  He's being a creep (no suprise there) and only wants to pay actual expenses, instead of the statutory child support amount until we are actually divorced.  Not going to happen!

In the meantime, I've decided to get on the dating band wagon again.  I'm back online and I love it!  I'm sure I'll go through spurts where I hate it, as I did the last time I was single.  But I so enjoy meeting new people!  Many will be duds.  However, it only takes one!  I'm not putting a lot of effort into it as far as contacting a lot of people.  I'm just too busy to focus my efforts on that right now.  I have met one guy in person and am emailing with a couple more.  The in person guy was okay.  Nothing too exciting and not really someone that I'd be friends with.  One down, who knows how many more to go!

Where has the time gone?

It's September and I haven't posted since August 8th!  What happened?  M and I moved into our new house!  I was again over-whelmed by the outpouring of support.  So many friends helped me move.  They packed, the schlepped, and they hauled all kinds of stuff from the old house to the new one.  I couldn't believe how fast the move the small stuff day went.  We were popping open the champagne after maybe 2 hours worth of hard work! 

The movers came to get the big stuff the Monday after friends moved the small stuff.  Thankfully that wasn't too long either.  In fact, the movers fixed some stuff the JY didn't put together correctly when we moved into our house.  I thought I was going to need to buy a new bed, because the one I had made all sorts of noises when you got in or out of it.  Turns out JY and friends didn't put it back together correctly.  And Sam, one of my movers, fixed it all! 

The day after the movers did their work, my dad came back from Colorado.  He was an immense help, too.  He installed all kinds of shelving for me to be able to put stuff away in the laundry room and the garage.  I look like I'm so organized when you open the laundry room door!

Dad and M also hung out for a day or two so I could get away with some girlfriends.  The two had a blast!  M was living the no nap life, since she didn't seem to "want to take a nap."  And Dad got some M time in.  He even took her to SuperTarget for pizza-one of her favorite things to do.

Yesterday I was telling my hairdresser all that has transpired with JY since I had confronted him.  She had a good observation.  She said that he was acting like a creep, because he knows what he did was wrong.  Well dude, you aren't going to bring me down!  I know what you did has nothing to do with me.  You aren't going to break my stride as you crash and burn.

We have a house. Today we did the final walk-through. There was one minor thing that we didn't notice last week. But I walked away with the keys and garage door opener. I also started moving stuff to the new place. I can't wait until M and I can start our new life in the new house! I can't wait to take her to the pool and the playground. She'll be in heaven!

You are a total Ass-hat!

Today when M and I came home from a weekend away with some of our friends, JY and his son were at the house. Apparently, JY forgot what our agreement was for division of marital property. We agreed that I would get all of the wedding gifts. And lo and behold he had a beverage cooler that we got for our wedding in the back of his pick up. Sorry Charlie! You got busted again! He tried to fight with me about it...of course I'm unsympathetic. I was moving the things in his truck to get it out myself, when he said he would get it out. Since he's an idiot, he went over the side of his truck attempting to drop the cooler to the ground and scratched his truck in the process. Ha ha! Karma is a biatch!

Tomorrow is his parenting time with M. Here's my email in response to his text about whether M is going to daycare tomorrow or not. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to mention the events of today.

"So what's with your display today? Perhaps you're having second thoughts about ending our marriage amicably and want a long drawn out battle for custody and division of marital assets & debts? That's the message that your actions today are sending. Actions speak louder than words. Clearly you've forgotten that you brought this all on yourself. You should be thanking me for having strength when you didn't. I've attached a copy of the agreement to refresh your memory that the cooler is mine....doesn't matter who gave it to us. It was a wedding gift.

Plan to return all of my boxes, including the liquor boxes that were in the garage, when you bring M back to the house tomorrow. I'd be nicer about it if you actually asked, hadn't try to pull the stunt today and had treated me with any respect. Your belongings that were scattered about the house (kitchen, bonus room, guest room) are all in the garage for your moving convenience.

I plan to send M to school tomorrow. She hasn't run a fever and hasn't thrown up since we ate lunch. If she needs to go home early, school will call you to pick her up. I put her swimsuit, swim diaper and flip flops in her school bag for swim lessons. PJs and a pull-up are in there to change into after lessons. You'll have to bring a towel for her and obviously all of your own swim stuff and towel. I should be back at the house by the time you two return from lessons or shortly thereafter. If I'm not home, put her to bed and I should be there soon. What's your parenting time plan for Wednesday, Aug 10th. I can either be at the house or away. But you two should spend your parenting time together without me around.

Regards"

Whirlwind Trip

My dad is my hero. He offered to buy a house for M and I to live in, since I won't be able to do that on my own for sometime. He arrived last Thursday and we hit the ground running. My poor 78 year-old dad went in and out of 19 houses, mostly 2-story, over 2 days. For him it was like running 2 back-to-back marathons. But he made it! Fortunately, by Monday evening we had a signed purchase agreement. We found a house that both M and I will be happy in for a long time. We can start our new lives without the weight of a 3100 square foot house with 4 acres hanging over my head! Hallelujah!!

I now have a boat load of packing to do. And I have to get the old house rented out. I have a property manager coming to get things started on Monday. Hopefully it will be rented out not long after we move to our new house.

The latter part of my dad's trip to Minnesota consisted of final touches on the transaction and me trying to negotiate with JY. First off, I'm so happy I hired an attorney to represent me. I wish JY would have done the same right away. I've been going back and forth with him trying to settle most of the issues in our divorce before filing the case. My attorney advised that we should do so to avoid costly pre-trial meetings, etc. I thought JY would agree to a settlement. I gave him a deadline of noon today and he asked to push it back to the end of today. Not sure how this will go. He said he wanted to do this amicably and not have a protracted divorce. Then in response to my offer, he starts asking for alimony, part of my pension and other things for himself. Funny that my offer was for the benefit of M and his was all about himself.

Last night I gave him my last/best offer, for which I'm awaiting a response. I told him if he didn't accept it, then it was off the table and we'd start from scratch. I'm even willing to take my offer of joint custody off the table. A judge can decide if giving custody to an adulterous, lying, over-drinking, gambling, wreckless driving father is in M's best interest or not.

Here's hoping he comes to his senses by 4:30 PM.

Moving Forward

Since JY doesn't seem to be able to bring himself to tell people who didn't know he was cheating that he's a cheater, I've begun to tell them. I can't believe the outpouring of support! I've said it before and I'll keep saying it. I'm truly humbled by the love and generosity of my friends. It makes the whole thing bearable.

Other good things are happening, too. My Dad is coming to town to help me find a new place for M and I to live. JY has no clue that we are going to move out of the house. I will tell him, but I'll wait until I know when and where we are moving. He still has many belongings at the house that he's going to have to hurry up and move. Too bad, so sad!

I got more good news today. The doctor's office called and I got a clean bill of health! Woo hoo! I'm not sure what I would have done if I had gotten other news.

Onward and upward!

A Good But Rough Day

Today was the first day with JY out of the house. It felt so good this AM not to have to look at him. And even better to come home and not have to see/avoid him. I left work early just to enjoy the serenity.

Even more good things happened, too. I was driven to tears by some of the best "imaginary" friends a gal can have. My January Mamas sent me an Edible Arrangement today. It was so cool and so thoughtful. I was so surprised and so happy to fell all of them lifting me up in their thoughts and prayers. I don't know if I've never needed to support of others so badly. I'm usually so self-reliant. But I'm truly gaining strength from family and friends. I know nothing will make this go away, but it definitely is helping me move on. I wish a divorce could happen as fast and easily as a wedding. I hold out hope that this will be over by the winter. I won't, however, hold my breath.

My dad also floored me today. Not that he did anything uncharacteristic. It's more that I wasn't expecting it. He so wants me to move on and move out. He's willing to help me get into a different home for the two of us. I may not need the help. It's just a weight lifted to know that help is there if needed.

Word is getting out in JY's family. I wondered if he had told the truth to his parents. I don't know what they've been told. One of the sisters-in-law sent me a note today that she heard about JY having a girlfriend in Chicago. She wasn't trying to get information. Just checking to make sure M and I were okay. I told her some of what I know, but not everything. Thought I'd at least confirm what she heard.

I'm thinking about writing my mother-in-law about all that happened. Then I think that won't help at all. I feel like I should let her know what I'm thinking about her relationship with M and how it's her son's responsibility to maintain it. I don't want her to think I'm going to try to keep M from her. I also don't want her to think I'm going to be coming up for visits so she can see M all the time. The answer will come to me someday whether or not to write the letter.